It isn’t new to resent the past. But it’s always a new experience to get used to the present after a considerable deal of resentment. Often, this experience is terrible till we have a good enough reason to resent this one also. Painfully endless, isn’t it? After quite an episode, it’s best to pretend that nothing ever really happened. True, in some sense, nothing ever really happened. At least in the sense that the essence is still the same. It’s awful. The same essence is recycled and reused over and over again in different packaging we call experience.
Imagination saves us some of the pain, I might add. We surround ourselves with memories that were the least painful, or potentially at least. They take away the dread of the present. They bring a tear and a smile at times. For a while it feels wonderful to not have to think too much. There is at least this to fall back to, if not anybody or anything else. This on the other hand has a potential to bring the present down harder on us. There was never a worse time to never feel a sense of belonging anywhere with anyone.
The present is the essentially the past with a lot of potential to unfold itself and repeat itself again in essence. The present reminds us that we are and will be perpetually alone. Our past is all we’ve ever had and the present is all that will ever be with us and they are only ours. Sometimes the most personal things are the ones that damage the most. The damage too, is personal.
It’ll take a little getting used to and we will get used to it. We look forward to reliving the same essence everyday. There’s something intimate about it. There’s something special about it. It’s the only thing that’s ours. It’s a painful parent and a child at the same time. But it’s ours. It’s an extension of that which made us and that will make us. The status quo will, in essence, stay for the longest time. It’ll only be expressed differently and perhaps in a nicer way.
The essence of an experience and the present, however new, will always feel familiar. We’ve known it for the longest of times. We never had an excuse to check up on it. Experience is our excuse, and has always been so.